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It reminded me of Jessica Logan, a teenager who was repeatedly devastated in social media by peers for sending nude photos of herself to a boyfriend. So why is it that we find it acceptable in this day and age to publicly humiliate and shame people for their private behavior? But we see no out–no easy way to break free from these spaces, few public role models to empower us. v=K3v Y5Q-No MY), then you may need to read her books or watch one of them to understand the nuances of this post.
And why do we always seem to save our greatest shaming behavior for what we deem to be sexual offenses? One of Esther Perel’s observations is that the universal experience that she hears from all people who cheat from any part of the world and of any gender is one of “aliveness.” People who cheat often feel very alive for the first time in quite some time. Is it really chiefly for the excitement of the forbidden?
Some also think that were not recognizing non-binary people who dont fall into the binary of male or female.
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September 8, 2016 “What is essential is invisible to the eye…” Antoine de Saint Exupery A friend of mine in the field shared a post today on social media, it was a call for facilitators to educate some medical students. Well that’s always good for a good laugh or at least some raised eyebrows. As a trained therapist myself, I have heard a lot of jokes about being a “rent-a-friend.” But friendship is not what therapists do. They diagnose, they track progress toward goals, they strategize, they sit with pain with no expectation of reciprocation. So, hey therapists that are griping about others making a living? I get it that you may not have been aware of this before, but can you please cut that out? When you undervalue yourself, you undervalue us as a field. The sooner we understand that and begin acting in accordance with that value, the sooner that others will, too. The original meaning of the word meant to lay waste, or devastate. But we have no laws against public shaming, or public censure, even though personal isolation through public humiliation is clearly one of the most destructive forces on a human being.
The time expected was 2 hours per online class for several weeks, and 28 hours of preparation time was estimated. “Medical connections” was the extent of the benefit offered. But educate about something as trivialized as sex in our culture? After all, education isn’t something serious people do. As those of us in the field know, revealing what we do for a living is also good for blank stares, stutters, dirty jokes, stunned silences, and just plain panic. Some people I have encountered have literally left the vicinity after finding out what I do. The reason you are a sex therapist, and probably have a waiting list, is because of highly competent sex educators. I know sex therapists who charge 0-0 an hour. You add to the myths that education can be done by anyone, that because sex is fun to talk about it is trivial or unimportant, or that we are a dime-a-dozen. And for those of you who may be thinking that this rant is self-serving, given that I am the founder and Director of a sex education school? Rosalyn Dischiavo, Ed D, MA, CSES Institute for Sexuality Education & Enlightenment I read this morning about yet another human being, a pastor who committed suicide because he was publicly revealed to be a philanderer and shamed repeatedly on the Internet. How is a liar like a newly minted, experimenting teen? It is the current digital mob mentality of the public, who seem to have forgotten that we have an obligation to look at ourselves first before we throw stones and wave pitchforks, and when failing to find a comparison or a similarity, to exert compassion or even forgiveness when it’s appropriate. Isolation is so torturous that we are not even legally allowed to impose it on prisoners. We finally have a feasible outlet for the unacceptable emotion of anger and we are going to use it. We’ve all been shamed into boxes, our sexuality squeezed into tiny spaces that meet acceptable public mores. We “share” and “like” and “send” our anger, our disappointment with ourselves, our frustration with our lives. The remedy is a good, hard look at what we want in our lives, and a genuine search for resources and community to help us achieve it. What is your heart’s deepest need for your body and its desires? If we can be happy, we won’t mind so much what others do, and even if we see some hurt that has been caused, we will find a way to be a balm to the situation rather than becoming another screaming peasant vying for a place near the noose. Rosalyn Dischiavo, Director, Institute for Sexuality Education & Enlightenment September 11, 2015 This weekend I had the privilege of attending a keynote by Esther Perel, who does international research on infidelity as well as working with couples where someone has cheated.
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